If you’ve ever managed people, you may have had these thoughts when someone you are managing doesn’t do what you need them to do.
“This person did something that I don’t want them to do. They must be doing it because they are challenging my authority. Maybe they’ve got delusions of grandeur of how they can do this job better. Why is this person picking today of all days to mess with me? They know…they know this is a jacked-up day for me and it’s all being done on purpose. They are on a power trip!”
This is a common mental trap we can fall into, but what really happens is that resentments begin to build and hostility towards that other person begins to fester. The cure?
Don’t assume bad intentions in people’s actions.
This simple mindset is something that I struggle with constantly. I’m getting better, but it’s a work in progress.
I think it’s a part of having half of my brain in the marketing and creative space. I wind up writing my own story for people. But that is very wrong to do. Often the story I’m writing is not a good one.
Here’s are 3 takeaways I have learned through this process that you can take with you into your life.
1. Don’t assume negative intentions in people.
2. Have a conversation with someone, it’ll help.
3. It makes you a happier person overall to assume that everyone is not “out to get you.”
The first takeaway can be the hardest: Don’t assume negative intentions in people. If someone you are managing does something that makes you angry, they more than likely didn’t do it on purpose. When the event occurs, you shouldn’t immediately assume a bad intention or if you do, try to scrub it from your thoughts. If you have a lifetime of thinking like this, it can be a hard habit to break.
The second takeaway is to talk it out. Looks easy on paper, but sometimes just sitting down for a chat can be awkward. Have the conversation with someone about what happened. This is when you will usually find out there was a communications breakdown. Or the person really thought they were doing a good thing. Or, finally, the person did make a mistake and is already owning up to it and saying it won’t happen again. This is a good time to see if you can improve communications or procedures too. Have conversations. Have them frequently. Otherwise, resentment will build!
The third takeaway is one that should occur naturally the more you work yourself through these steps. You will overall be a happier person if you are not assuming everyone is out to get you. This part really does occur, but it takes time and with a lot of good practice of the first two takeaways!
To sum up, don’t assume bad intentions in people’s actions. It’s easier said than done, but you will be a lot happier if you can work this mindset into your daily life.
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